CLEANING A 4X4 FOR EXPORT TO NEW ZEALAND
Cleaning a 4x4 for export after it's travelled thousands of kms on dirt roads is not the easiest of tasks...
Step 1: Remove years worth of crap from the inside of the vehicle. Marvel at how much shite you actually had in there.
Step 2: Realise that the amount of red dust is beyond your personal capacity to deal with, but give it a quick once over as a starting point.
Step 3: Call around all the mobile car detailing companies to find one that has experience cleaning cars for export.
Step 4: Find one that does and book them in. Then need to change dates approximately a dozen times thanks to Melbournes incliment weather
Step 5: Get family around to help remove the roof rack so the roof can be cut & polished with the rest of the car. Realise halfway through removal that you don't have enough hands. Thankfully somehow remove it anyway without injury or accident.
Step 6: Finally get a day of half decent weather for the car to be detailed. Detailers arrive, take one look at the car and say "oooh it's a big job!"
Step 7: Detailers work tirelessly for 5 HOURS to make the car look like new again. Just when they appear to be nearing completion more nooks and crannys full of red dust appear. Watch detailers slowly loose the will to live so buy them some Maccas for dinner to help keep them going. (Lovely guys they were too)
Step 8: Pay detailers for doing a fantastic job. Decide to never ever get a job as a car cleaner.
Step 9: Invite a bunch of mates around to eat Maccas and help put the roof rack back on. Make sure you have enough hands this time.
Step 10: Fill car with all items being shipped to NZ with it. All of which have also been scrubbed to within an inch of their lives ready for customs. Leave car safely in driveway until it's time to drop it off at the shipping depot so it doesn't get so much as a speck of Australian dirt on it.
Step 11: Drive to shipping depot. Realise en route you didn't change the air filter. Stop to buy a new one and lucky you did as the old one is chocka block with Australian red dust.
Step 12: Arrive at depot. Suddenly remember the black hole of food and other miscellaneous crap that exists down the side of the hand brake. Look into it with a torch and see visible bbq shapes of undetermined vintage. Realize you can't get to them without pulling half the car apart, or performing a miracle. Say "f$$k it, it's too late now!" and leave the car at the depot anyway.
Step 13: Drive home and congratulate yourself on being such an intrepid world traveller.
Step 14: (future prediction) Swear loudly when NZ customs charges you all sorts of extra fees for cleaning it all over again. Fully expect them to find a stowaway snake somewhere in the vehicle.
Step 15: Curse the day you ever decided to be an overland world traveller (just kidding - I'm sure it won't come to that...)
Thanks to everyone who helped with the process along the way, and the guys from Melbourne Auto Detailing for working so hard on the car!
Now here's hoping it makes it to NZ in one piece (& snake free!)